Tuesday, November 13, 2007

a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

I want to punchasize all the talking heads in the, well, head. I love all the press that has been showered onto our deserving Hawks, I just hate all this talk about the Jayhawks being undeserving of their ranking and BCS position. We are just about exactly where we should be, everything is going to play itself out and the Hawks will end up exactly where the last few games of this season and the Big 12 championship dictate. So, instead of over-analyzing let us enjoy this season and it's unpredictability and get past Iowa State, then the real season begins, enough of these warm-ups.

"Raise the Black Flag and Ride Hard Boys. Our Cause is Just and Our Enemies Many"

Wow, I would love to be a African-American and a Missouri Fan. These fucking Slavers are going to make me even crazier than a Husker trying to figure out why Ganz was behind Keller all season. You know, I am not sure I really want the nation to know all the details of this, the bitterest of rivalries, but it will be exposed. Even though Kansas ultimately came out on top during the Civil War and has continued to keep the Slavers in their place, on a national stage people are really going to see the undying and unfathomable hatred between these schools and states. I just have this odd feeling that most people watching the game in New Jersey let's say, just might not get the significance of the game. The only reason people call OSU v. Michigan "The Rivalry" is because Kansas and SlaveU have had some pretty awful football teams. I know those two schools(OSU, UM) have a HUGE dislike for each other and each feel superior to the other for many reasons, however, when it comes to the game at Camarohead with everything on the line....it will be a miracle is someone is not killed by one of the other teams fans. I am glad the gameday crew will be there as I am sure the majority of the country will no doubt jump on the Kansas bandwagon because, how could you not sympathize more with KU over MU. Anyway, those meth-loving inbreds to the east have always done everything in bad taste...so why should they stop now. So here's to you Mizzou....
Speaking of the Wyo-Utes game...that is some good stuff, that is why you don't guarantee victories i guess, or the Utes will stick it up there and break it off. I didn't think that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints would approve of that.

Without further delay...The Missouri State Song...as written by the Bloodhound Gang


I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
name was Russell.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
‘cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
‘Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got the nailer back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

This Coach Fambrough audio clip is a classic, a must pre-Mizzou listen.

Trust me, I will do a little better job of focusing on the Iowa State game later in the week....can't wait for one last Saturday morning tailgate on the Hill...

2 comments:

Big Head said...

God bless Joe Glenn. Oh, and FU Jayhawks!

Nice blog though.

Blogger said...

I have just installed iStripper, and now I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers getting naked on my desktop.